mister-polite: Respect is earned. I’m troubled. Entirely too often, while patrolling the Tumbl
mister-polite: Respect is earned. I’m troubled. Entirely too often, while patrolling the Tumblr kink-o-sphere for tasty delights in the Year of Our Lord 2014, I’ll encounter the following earnest statements in kinky blogs: “Respect is Demanded” “Women’s natural state is slavery. Force them to accept it.” “Learn your place, bitch.” “I am your superior in every way.” These are typically accommodated by the most graphically violent photos possible, involving women not just in submissive positions, but being wrecked by men and in a complete state of disarray. I see this sort of “misogyny fantasy” a lot these days. It seems to be showing up more in kink feeds a lot more than it used to. And with harder language and more gonzo photography. Let’s get the disclaimer out before I go farther: There is nothing wrong with consensual kink that involves fictional non-consent, nor with partners that between them mutually prefer violent or misogynistic portrayals of sex. That’s their business, and as long as everyone’s on board and no harm comes to any partner, it’s all good. Sex is weird, who am I to judge? Are we clear? Good. I’ll move on with my point. The trouble with a lot of these sorts of posts is that they exist by and large on accounts that give no indication of consent being sought. There’s no mutual fantasy mentioned. There’s nothing indicating that the poster (in his post or on his blog) has any respect for the theoretical women they’d like to ram their staff of hardness (+2 Stamina) into. In fact, quite to the contrary, this content is coming by and large from what appears to be a massive pocket of misogyny-fueled Tumblr blogs vomiting out male rage at any notion of female empowerment or self-identity. Angry man-children that want nothing more than to take us back to the stone age of rights so they can finally get their penises into all the lady-meat they can manage. Regardless of the lady’s opinion on the matter. It’s an echo-chamber of the sort of ill behavior that’s been raging elsewhere in the Internet in the spheres of gaming, and it’s embarrassing to see it being reblogged endlessly by kinksters without some critical thought. For the young, shy, ugly, or otherwise awkward, it’s not easy finding a way to express dominance fantasies in the real world. Any number of real or imagined barriers get between our desires and our ability to act on them. Finding a partner. Finding a partner that shares your fantasies. These aren’t easy things. As a result, anger isn’t surprising. For young men, particularly white ones in the western world, we’ve been raised on a cultural assumption that we’re owed sex. Women are portrayed in a submissive way in even vanilla sexual representations, and once you find kinkier BDSM porn it gets a lot heavier at a rapid pace. And yet, for reasons that mystify men too much, being nice or simply showing up to life hasn’t resulted in them having a hot lady bumping into them on the bus and professing their undying love and urge to submit to them immediately. It’s like you can’t even trust John Cusack movies anymore. But getting angry and blowing an impotent wad onto the Internet isn’t helping anyone. Let’s cover the basics, boys. Portraying yourself as a rapist, or would-be rapist, isn’t going to land many ladies. Consensual non-consent inside the kink community is something that is negotiated and given. To get consent, if that’s your thing, you need to earn the trust of your would-be partner. It’s advanced mode. We’re talking Dark Souls level of difficulty here. You can’t just pick up the controller and expect to win. Any respect, from any individual, has to be earned. A petulant blast of “RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH” is about as useful as exposing yourself to people on the bus. Nobody knows you from Adam. You have a penis? Great. So does roughly 3.5 billion other people. What are your other qualifications? What I’m saying is this: Joining the BDSM community isn’t a shortcut to piles of brainless lady slaves all begging and needing your cock to save them from Ganondorf. Your bacon and eggs isn’t the Triforce. If you really believe the garbage you’re spewing, then get lost. If you just enjoy non-consensual fantasy, then I suggest considering that you need to portray yourself as a thinking, mature adult who can state “This is a fantasy. I support consent.” somewhere, somehow so that people know you’re not going to end up on the FBI watch list some day. Working on your reputation takes time. When it comes to getting more obedience and submission from a partner in a relationship? That takes work. Hard work. It takes time. Real time. Anything less will result in someone getting hurt. And if you’re the dominant, that puts you in a real risk of getting in trouble that you won’t be able to talk your way out of. So grow up already. Do some hard work. Build trust. Step up or get out, -Mr. P. -- source link