From the biggest times to the smallest times. {almost} Weight is a really weird thing… I orig
From the biggest times to the smallest times. {almost} Weight is a really weird thing… I originally put so much weight on due to medications I had to take, being sick and inactive so much, and after years of struggling to lose much at all I currently can’t stop loosing weight. We have deep built-in associations with thin=healthy & beautiful. I’ve been trying to get my head around it for months; as I so uncontrollably wasted away. On the one hand I much prefer how my body looks now (although I am lamenting my lack of boobs again), and I can’t help but wonder if that’s because of what we’re led to believe as a society, or if I do actually just feel more like myself. The weight gain never felt natural or ME; I felt like I was living, trapped, in an alien body for years. I do genuinely feel more like myself. Once again I’ve debated over and over whether I should publicly speak about this, so having said all of that, it’s still been quite harrowing to not be able to eat enough and just keep loosing weight, no matter how hard you try. I do feel more like myself, my joint pain isn’t quite as bad, but I so wish this could have happened healthily and naturally. Now, we just hope that having the feeding tube goes smoothly and I can stabilize my weight… My PT and others have said I do not look a healthy weight, and I trust them, so as my strength returns perhaps I’ll gain a little again… Ideally in the form of muscle ((; *** this was difficult to openly discus so please try and keep that in mind with anything you might have to say. And thank you to the (majority) who are always supportive and wonderful x {I also apologise for the lack of finesse/clumsiness in my writing these days} -- source link
#gastroparesis#weight loss#weight gain#clothing#clumsy honesty#illness#feeding tube#trigger warning#body image