I would hate to start with hard and fast rules. Things are always evolving with My girl and I.
I would hate to start with hard and fast rules. Things are always evolving with My girl and I. I find the journey much more interesting that destination. beggingforpermission: The evolution of D/s relationships, when allowed to grow organically, is quite interesting. Sometimes if you don’t set up strict rules and a contract at the beginning, the relationship becomes more vanilla or just fizzles out. Some relationships require that the D/s aspects be worked in from the start or by serious consideration at certain points along the path. They are decisions to be a D/s couple in a particular amount of power exchange. I’ve had many extremely fulfilling D/s dynamics that have followed this course and I wouldn’t change them for the world. Other D/s relationships take a different path. Things start out light and fun, although there was never any doubt who the leader was. And over time the power exchange just starts to happen. The D will express a preference to the s, and the s will start to align herself and her will to the D’s desires. Sometimes, these things start to happen before the relationship even progresses to anything sexual. For example, before New Partner and I started getting sexual again, he made a comment about how he likes when women wear their hair down when they are out. That way he can pull their hair and wrap his fingers around the back of their necks in a way that was harder for the outside world to notice and observe. Back then, he would pull my hair in a playful/flirting teasing way (our boundaries were all over the place, the line between friendship and more a complete blur) and he made the comment to me. So I took it upon myself to try, whenever possible, to wear my hair down when I knew we would be in a public place together like a munch. It’s a small, insignificant example in the scheme of things. But I couldn’t put my hair up before a munch after that without thinking about how he would rather I wear it down. And his preferences always win in my heart. And as the relationship is developing we discover ways he would prefer I act or things I do but have not yet put pen to paper and established rules. I’m going to guess that at some point we’ll codify things but there is no rush. In the meantime things come up and we address them. Most recently, it involved sitting in his car. He told me once that he dislikes it when I put my purse in my lap instead of on the floor because it gets in the way of putting his hand on my lap. I said I understood and I’d keep my purse on my the floor. A couple of weeks later, he had a sweatshirt in the front passenger seat and I sat beside it, but it squished over my leg a little, getting in the way of him putting his hand on my leg. He was mildly annoyed (laughingly so, you know the kind) and told me I should have put the sweatshirt in the back when I got in the car. And from that I learned two things: 1) He doesn’t have a problem with my moving his stuff in order to maintain his explicit preferences (some people would say that if they put it there, it’s because they want it there but not him) and 2) I should listen to the why he wants something a particular way and place more emphasis on the why when making decisions about future actions. It wasn’t a problem of where the purse goes. It was a problem of he didn’t want to have to deal with an object to put his hand where he wants to. Just like that, the “rule” went from “Put your purse on the floor when in my car” to “When you are in my car, make sure nothing is blocking my access to your lap.” The D/s evolution of a relationship. I honestly don’t have a preference for if a relationship should start out with defined rules and roles or be allowed to grow on its own. I think they both have their benefits and their pitfalls. What I like so much about the way things are going with New Partner is that it’s working. And we are both satisfied. What else matters? -- source link