One of the main reason’s why pain is never an option for a punishment (well, at least phys
One of the main reason’s why pain is never an option for a punishment (well, at least physical pain). spankaway: I feel like this is the same person, so I put them together. This is actually a deeper and more complicated question than it seems like it should be. As it usually is with these things, the exact answer to this depends on the people involved, but there are some universal caveats. Everyone has limits - physical, emotional, mental, and others. Some of them can be “pushed” a little, with a lot of trust and care. Some are fixed. The dom’s desires NEVER outrank someone’s hard limits. Right there is the universal upper limit of what is considered safe and consensual play. To understand these limits there are often elements of negotiation and experimentation involved. In a way, you can describe this as a sort of mutual agreement - but in my experience this is something more organic, and part of the process of learning each other’s styles. Beyond this, different couples do it their own way. Some discuss and agree on things - with some going further and having a hint of ‘topping from the bottom’ in their play. Others tend to let the d-type take charge and take the s-type on a ride, calling the shots and indulging themselves - but staying within limits. Continuously ‘checking in’ and making sure that things are still on track is a big part of many people’s play. Punishments are a special challenge, and serve a particular purpose. They aren’t necessarily supposed to be fun - and the atmosphere of a scene is different. Many doms find them difficult, because for most of us these things are a lot more fun when there is enjoyment on both sides. Personally, I treat punishments as more of a service - for Snow, and for our relationship, and rarely enjoy giving them out. But no matter if the dom enjoys the process of serious punishment or not, limits are still in play, and there is no carte blanche of any kind. Making a punishment an effective deterrent while staying within a person’s limits is the general challenge in crafting such a scene. So basically, either style of doing things is perfectly ok, as long as the sub/bottoms limits are always respected, and the overall relationship interaction is fun and rewarding. Even without breaching limits, if playtime is never any fun (or only fun for one person), the partners may not a great match - some people’s tolerances and desires are just not in sync and that’s ok. Sorry if this seems a little waffling and open-ended, it’s one of those tougher questions with a lot going on behind the scenes. -- source link