missmonstermel:justinhubbell:Blocking people. Why it’s okay. Why you should do it.
missmonstermel:justinhubbell:Blocking people. Why it’s okay. Why you should do it.I’m going preface this by saying that I used to be a bad person. Not even “kind of a bad person” suffices. My behavior in years past fills me with shame.I briefly touched on this in a comic I made in 2008, but it’s subject I fully intend to explore completely in a future book. Here are the bare bones facts: I was in pain, and I thought I could relieve myself of this pain by inflicting it on others. If I could feel superior, in any way? I felt it might stem the tide of self loathing and anxiety that haunted my every thought.Even after college I behaved poorly. Which I also have already written about here!So when I say you should block people..?…I’m speaking as an ex-bully. An ex-harasser. An ex-abuser.Anita Sarkeesian elaborates on the methodology of these people hereBut when someone goes out of their way to leave nasty comments? first of all it has nothing to do with you (despite how personal these attacks often are) - and secondly it’s essentially a kind of sport for them. The goal of the game is upset you as much as possible by any means necessary. But that sport is ruined the second you take control.You can do this by mocking their attempts - and this can be pretty fun - but it invites them to proceed and play dirtier. The easiest method of taking control is through blocking. If they come back with a new screen name? Block them again. If they recruit people to harass you? Block them too.If you want to block someone the second they become rude? Go ahead. After all it’s best to ignore rudeness in real life, right? so why wouldn’t you ignore it online?The blocking technique is reviled by the online-abuser community as a shallow, cowardly act. You know why? Because it works. There is no defense against being blocked save for obsessive planning/plotting that makes you question your own sanity - or criminal acts.There are rare occasions where you can help these peopleHaving been in their shoes I often try to appeal to online-abuser’s humanity. As monstrous as their behavior/words are, we have to remember that they are people, and they are in pain. This American Life has a great episode on this approach.But in the end - it is not your job to provide therapy/education to an abusive person. Furthermore, blocking does in fact teach a lesson. It teaches them that you won’t be harassed. And you teach yourself that you are worthy of respect. Not everyone knows that they should be respected, especially victims of bullying. But you are.Your experience matters. Your values matter.Your happiness matters.And if people aren’t going to respect that? And it’s your profile? Your post? Your feed? Then they aren’t worth your time.And yes - in your life you will have people who disagree with you. You will have people who passionately debate you. You may even simply be wrong about a certain subject. But that does not mean we should tolerate bullies.There are billions of people using the internet. You don’t have to put up with the mean ones. You’re better than that. Trust me. ^__^I’m so glad to see this being talked about. Blocking someone doesn’t make you some weakling and anyone who tells you that is trying to make sure you keep getting hurt. It’s simply the quickest, most effective way to shut someone down or escort them from your life. You don’t have to explain or justify it to anyone. I preemptively block people who i see being awful shits to others online without even having engaged them personally. I block people who treat other sellers poorly ( yes, we network!) I don’t want jerks owning the stuff i make if i can help it and i’ve tangled with enough bully buyers to know the warning signs. I spent years internalizing the abuse of people who thought paying me money meant I was their employee/child or folks who just wanted to hurt me the only way they knew how. It sucks and you do not have to eat the text equivalent of a shit sandwich in the interest of “being professional”. If someone blocks you, respect it. Don’t get a buddy to contact them and demand an explanation. Don’t email them and demand an explanation. Just…fuck off and move on.So yeah , block away. Trust me, your time and mind is so much better spent on more productive things than being a punching bag for someone with issues that have nothing to do with you. -- source link