fuckstudy: journal, week 20 to 23. Changed rotations. With each new rotation comes a new set o
fuckstudy: journal, week 20 to 23. Changed rotations. With each new rotation comes a new set of challenges, a new area of law to learn, people, culture, environment. It’s refreshing and exhausting all at once. But in saying that, I’m glad that this is the pace that has been set for this year. Because there’s a definite finish line. While the feelings of doubt and inadequacy are still quite strong, I’m challenging myself to view things a little differently. I’m challenging myself to be better than the first negative thought that crosses my mind. I’m challenging myself to match every negative thought with a constructive thought; a positive thought. A statement which is actionable. Because succumbing to the first negative thought - the first doubt that crosses my mind is too easy. I gotta be better than that. I gotta give myself a better chance than that. In the past month, I’ve carved out the time to work out, to reach out, to read (oh fucking god if anyone has read A Little Life, DEAR GOD MY EMOTIONS) and to write. And learning to listen to myself - on what days should I fight the exhaustion, and on what days I need to let myself rest. I watched the Caps win their first Stanley Cup; the emotion and the ongoing celebration that ensued (and that’s probably still going) made me smile, made me laugh, made me think. I want to have that moment too. That highest of highs. That “I’ve worked so hard for a goal and smashed it”. That satisfaction of getting there; that sense of achievement. I haven’t felt like that since I was fighting to get into university. And given the horror that university was, it made me afraid to reach for a goal - to give up so much, to go through the ups and downs again, only to be disappointed. So the first thing to do is to let go of that fear, grow some fucking balls and be brave. (as I said to one of my anons, “keep your eyes open, your mind curious and your heart brave.”) The rest will follow. -- source link