#testosterone: week 57 Pronouns: it, he A shopkeeper insistently led me to the men’s secti

#testosterone: week 57 Pronouns: it, he A shopkeeper insistently led me to the men’s section, despite the nose ring which people seem to read feminine. The gender euphoria lasted for days. I’ve begun to meditate, 10 minutes in the morning before exercising. I feel it’s helped me be more present, rather than just hyper-focusing on sexual gratification. This week I shared a casual intimate touch with a crush & spent the next morning’s meditation grinning from ear to ear as the memory resurfaced. I also had a lovely date with someone experiencing health issues which precluded physical intimacy. We had a great time but I found myself repeatedly checking the impulse to complain of their unavailability. In much the same way one does not lament to a widow how her personal tragedy is inconvenient to those around her, I had the basic empathy to realize that my friend was more affected by the circumstances than I. Nonetheless, the thought kept bubbling up, annoyingly persistent. Observing this antisocial pattern made me realize it must have happened before. I wonder how often & how grievously my empathy (along with my foot, into my mouth) may have slipped in the past year, in this increased single-mindedness. Throughout the week I found myself having interactions with people who’d seemed interested prior, but which were devoid of sexual tension. It took a moment to remember that people enjoy flirtation for its own sake. I enjoy flirtation for its own sake! But it seems I’ve fallen into the stereotype of men seeing false positives, as my brain sends up emergency flares at every hint of attention. This chaos feels all the more absurd in light of how many existential concerns I have on my mind right now. Immigration is no easy feat, I’m traveling & performing non-stop, still unemployed & shortly to be homeless, yet the vaudeville hook of horniness keeps rudely yanking my brain away from important business & towards the pursuit of dick. C'est la T, I suppose. #hrt #transitionjournal #nonbinary #gaytrans #gay #documentingtransition #fucktheCistem #t #HPonT #2ndpuberty #weveHadOneYesButWhatAbout2ndPuberty #TRANSatlantic #transman #transmasc #lgbt #transtrender #t https://www.instagram.com/h.p.loveshaft/p/BvJu5f6hxXN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=obf69tb4snx6 -- source link

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