File Under: Harry Potter-core or the Peter Pan Syndrome of my generation. Or why Plato was right 2 b

File Under: Harry Potter-core or the Peter Pan Syndrome of my generation. Or why Plato was right 2 ban theatre (and by extension literature) from the Republic. Or why i found English lit classes at uni so incredibly painful. And by extension why I found english postgrad a little more painful. Because there was a common denominator linking all the various punishers encountered during thatperiod. And that common denominator was Harry potter fandom. Every single oneof them a Harry Potter fan. This seemed 2 be paired with an undying appreciation for the cultured wit of that horrible prat Stevie Fry. Im not suggesting that i never 2 frothed over HP. And i can understand the vaguely more edgy Harry potter fandom that is on the comeup via new naivete artworks (crayon and watercolour drawings, alt lit poetry that refs the characters). And by Understand i mean its a nice way 2 make a buck. And we all gotta eat/buy the new Vaquera collection. But its still lazy. And these English lit students were incredibly lazy. Any excuse 2 deflect the discussion back 2 some riproaring feast sequence in the Chamber of Secrets would be taken. I mean come on at least make an effort 2 pretend you areve read the like 5 pages you were expected 2 read that week. And the tutors indulged them because they were fans of the fucking thing themsleves.But I guess lazy isnt the right word. Cause these Muggles were deep in the game. Like contributing erotic fanfiction 2 the hivemind of the HarryPotter forums kinda deep. Like pairing every character with every other character kindof deep. And that isnt even deep. Thats barely brushing a toe in the fandom water. I always wondered how they organised these disgusting projects. Because they seemd 2 be working away at this in every spare second they had. Essays would be forrgotten in the pressure 2 keep on pumping out those phantasmagroical orgies. Did they make diagrams combining evry possible character combination on one axis with every possible sexual misadventure on the other. And then they could gradually and systematically work their way through every possible HarryPotter character and fetish. This way they could actually complete the fantasy. Maybe even exhaust the desire. So I thought maybe I should help them out. Suggest this system 2 them so that they could get it all over and done with and grow the fuck up. Hey doya realise you could systematise this? Maybe even design an algorthim 2 do the writing for you? A bot would at least add some accidental surrealism 2 the badly written smut they usually churnedout. Youre missing the point they said. Its knowing that the unnamed Weasley Cousin who appears at Bill and Fleur’s Wedding hasnt yet engaged in bestial union with a Mandrake that gets us out of bed in th morning. Is the writing adn rewriting that makes us so agreeably satisifed and unsatisifed at the same time. They did always seem very jovial but a little ‘kooky’ in the acceptable english lit major kindof way. And anyway, they continued,  yr just bitter because rons such a chode anyway And you look just like him. That couldnt be denied. Although I could tell the tutor had begun to rub his mustache with excitement at the thought of pairing Me in Ron Cosplay with the Mature Age student across the room who looked exactly like Professor Flitwick. And i understood desire. How all it desired was more desire, not satisfaction or pleasure but frustration and dissatisfcation. Or more specifcally Harry Potter oriented desire. Why it continues 2 work through the bodies and fantasies of my classmates. Cause they all knew that deep down they shdlve gone 2 hogwarts. And maybe i also thought the same. But my hogwarts wldve just been a uni where ppl gave half a shit, even a quarter of a shit. Who were down 2 have conversations that werentnt littered with references 2 the Qudditich World Cup or Stevie Fry’s latest TV show. And so maybe that was why I was obsessing over Plato’s Republic. Cause i wanted so badly 2 hang out in some imaginary Greek Civilisation. But i wasnt hewed from Golden metal so i would probably have been serving wine 2 the philosopher kings. But its likely that this White Ant Ridden Wood of a Soul would crumble at the least brush with the air of Classical Greece. Something that fresh just doesnt blow around much aroundhere. Instead its the bad breath of a diet of of Butterbeer and Pumkin pAstys. Cheap fantasies and cheaper desires. They Strap me 2 the Side of the English Building with a binding Spelll and let the curses rain down. Steven Fry looks on smugly while JK continues 2 tweet about which characters had covert desires for each other all along. Fanning the flames.  She knows her product and she knows consumers. All 2 well. How must it feel 2 give birth 2 so much online fanfic? To have stimulated the erotic scribblings of thosands of wannabe wizards the glober ? She remains an enigma even as a slight smile forms at the corner of her lips. It feels like money it seems 2 say. Meanwhile the entire cast and crew of ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ ride their Gold Plated Segueways back and forth over my twitching corpse. I shlda jumped on the new naivete HarryPotter themed Art bandwagon when i had the chance. I shldve exhibited my red crayon rewriting of the last chapter of The Deathly Hallows when i still have fingers 2 write with. Now theyve been torn off by malevolent doxies. There’s still life in that cash cow yet. You just gotta know how 2 milk it. The lean years havent hit yet. Theres still time 2 make a bit of cash fromHarry. Monetise yr teenagefantasies. Make it happen. Just do it b4 the next shmuck does. And New Naivete is gone in a puff of Hippgrif feathers. yuck. -- source link

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