I’m rarely speechless. But my sis hit me over the head with the truth I didn’t know I needed to hear

I’m rarely speechless. But my sis hit me over the head with the truth I didn’t know I needed to hear. It’s true: I don’t think, at this moment, I ✨deserve✨ attention. I think I deserve space. I have the right to take up space. I’m a freaking civil rights attorney - I fight for others to take up space. We all deserve to be. ….I just don’t think EYE “deserve” to be seen. When @vyanayogi said in our sexuality and yoga room in Clubhouse that Black women deserve to get attention, I felt myself short circuit. Because attention for me, in my life, has often been unwanted and harmful. I walk through the world in the body of a dark skinned Black woman. As a girl, I was seen as a nice girl, but not particularly desirable or attractive. Until I turned 11, for some booty, and then I became a symbol of lust. To boys my age, to men too old, I just. I just…..did not like the attention. I honestly STILL don’t like the attention. Despite being a gregarious extrovert, I have a deep distrust in too much attention on me and my body, particularly. Because it has been weaponized against me. I’ve thought about how I can do the work to heal from this - it doesn’t come from a place of lack of worth, but lack of trust / reluctance to have someone take agency from me again. But it is hampering how I move through this world and how I feel as a sexual being. So, we’re gonna host a follow up on our sexuality and yoga conversation in a few weeks because this is important to me and to some of y’all. Niamoni is right - I do deserve attention. And I deserve to dictate how I want it, when I don’t want it, and to heal from the instances when I was harmed. ……I’m sorry the last posts have been sort of bummers, lol. But I’m a 32 year old woman who is really, really trying to become my own woman, built stronger from her traumas but not attached to them, and I’m trying to do the work - and yoga is helping me make sense of all this. I’m just trying to make sense of all this. If this made sense, please let me know below. Also, I’m looking for sexuality coaches, so if you know one, or you are one, hit me up. I think it’s time. ‍♀️ https://instagr.am/p/CI8qQ1cDvCn/ -- source link

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