The first phase of having a crush can be treacherous. You like how someone looks, their tone and vib
The first phase of having a crush can be treacherous. You like how someone looks, their tone and vibe, the way they dress. The first checks on your checklist are getting checked. Check check check. Ooh they said something funny? Check. They like black coffee and Rascal Flatts? This is looking GOOD. Right about then, somewhere between your eyes and stomach, the pheromones kick in.. and pull the pulleys of your brain, and this person becomes all you can think about. . This is when things can go wrong. Imagine you have a long checklist of traits that you’ve decided make someone compatible. It’s maybe fifty things if you’re picky. Or fifteen if you’re not. Some of these things you could list off right now. Others are subconscious, preferences you don’t know you have, and you only know them when you see them. Check. or Yikes. . The trickiness of the crushing crush is that your brain does something unfair in this moment. This dreamy human has checked off the first five on the list. Looking good, right? Then the brain just goes ahead and checks off everything else. Check check check check. Right then, they become fantasy. Could this person be the answer to my holy checklist?? Could they!? . And so, you create a fake person. You imagine someone who looks like your crush, sounds like your crush, but has all your checks checked. Then, you want to date that person. Or maybe you’re already dating. And the person, the real person I mean, keeps showing you who they are. And suddenly, check no. 47 gets x'ed out. Then no. 24. One after another. And you resent your boyfriend or girlfriend for not being who you created them to be. . And in your resentment, you might not see that a lot of your checklist was unnecessary or misguided. At minimum, your mind is at war with itself. Is this ok? Am I settling? . You are hurt and angry and in knots at the tiny deaths of your fantasy. And you take it out on this poor person who never promised to be anyone but who they really are. . And chances are, they did this to you too. . : @lululovering -- source link