milkmynk: There’s a HUGE chunk of plot spoilers here because otherwise the story won’t make sense. A
milkmynk: There’s a HUGE chunk of plot spoilers here because otherwise the story won’t make sense. Also, very long post/rambling, because I have a lot of feelings about this scene. >>> SPOILERS >>> SPOILERS Xi had a younger sister Si Ping - different mothers - who he was relatively close with. Unfortunately due to power politics, her mother disapproved heavily of her sympathizing with Xi, and in collusion with Situ Lu, the mother gave her poison that destroyed her singing voice. Devastated by her family’s betrayal, she took several doses of the poison in one go, and staggered off to find Xi. Xi, to prevent her soul from going to hell for committing suicide, chose to grant her wish to end her suffering and killed her with a knife to her heart. He buried the truth inside himself to spare Situ Si Ming (her biological brother, who also looks up to Xi) the distress of knowing that their mother poisoned her… Until Si Ming forced it out of him, just prior to this. Jinghua : “Tell me honestly. Today when the butler from the Situ clan knelt in the hall and begged for your help, did you come here because you already knew that they had laid a trap for you?” Jinghua : “You wanted to put an end to this matter, so you didn’t retaliate when Situ tormented you because you wanted him to take his anger out on you, didn’t you?” Jinghua : “Other than the first wave of shared damage from our spirit pact, no other spiritual damage was shared with me.” Jinghua : “That’s because you deliberately angered him so that he would vent his anger on you alone, if he didn’t want to use spiritual attacks against you, I wouldn’t be affected, am I correct? Jinghua : “Duanmu Xi, do you know,” Jinghua : “Sometimes the way you do things… Really pisses people off!” Jinghua : “You are a Yangmingsi,” Jinghua : “You don’t value your life,” Jinghua : “Then these strong feelings of mine,” Jinghua : “Aren’t worth anything to you, is that it?” Jinghua : “The words we said, the vows we made… If you do things this way, does it still have any meaning?!” Xi : “No… I…” Xi : “I’m sorry… Because…” (skipped pages) Jinghua : “If committing suicide is a sin, then Si Ping also bears responsibility for it, doesn’t she?” Jinghua : “Don’t carry all the wrong of the world on your shoulders.” Jinghua : “You just wanted to protect her, didn’t you.” Jinghua : “That stab saved her soul, but pushed you into hell—” Jinghua : “You even want to protect Si Ming, you took all the burden on yourself so that he could live in the sunshine without guilt,” Jinghua : “You even want to protect his impression of his mother Situ Lan in his heart……” Jinghua : “Duanmu Xi, sometimes, you’re so kind, it makes people angry.” 1. The thing that really killed me here is Xi’s expression in the last panel… He looked like he was about to cry, even though he had been otherwise so stoic throughout the scene. Xi is very used to carrying burdens by himself, and he doesn’t seek understanding for his deeds because he’s resigned to rejection from the people around him. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want understanding and acceptance… Just that, like with everything else that has been denied him (damn that fucking family), he’s learned to simply… deal with it. And then Jinghua comes along, and shows him that… He understands. Truly understands his pain, his anguish, his self-loathing, everything that he’d been keeping bottled up under a tight seal of self-control and self-sacrifice. Not only understands, but he cares, and he refuses to let Xi continue miring himself in a tangle of despair because goddammit Xi’s dear to him and he loves him too much for that. And… Just like that, Xi’s carefully constructed buffers of tolerance and endurance crumble, despite himself. The sheer relief, after years and years of emotional neglect and loneliness, of finding someone who reaches out to you and treasures you… This is just my interpretation, but I honestly believe that this is the reason for Xi’s expression. Xi can withstand being physically and emotionally tormented and abused without so much as a word of complaint, but he shatters when Jinghua gives him love, and HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT. 2. Can we all, like, just agree that Xi is really lucky to have found someone who both cares deeply for him AND is willing to call him out on his bullshit? To be honest, I totally understand why Jinghua is so angry. It has to be frustrating and even terrifying when someone you love is willing to abuse themselves like this, and you’re powerless to stop them, and they’re not even willing to accept help. It’s also sweet that even though Jinghua was pissed, he still makes the effort to connect with Xi. (The touch on Xi’s head and cheek.) 3. It broke my heart when Xi reaches out towards Jinghua’s hand, then hesitates, and withdraws it. I’m not sure if he’s frightened of being rejected, or whether he feels like he doesn’t deserve Jinghua’s love for him, or whether he’s anxious that Jinghua is disappointed in him. Perhaps all three? Either way, river of tears. And then, Jinghua takes Xi’s hand, and everything is alright. 4. I don’t know if Ping Zi (author) did it on purpose, but I really love that Jinghua covers Xi’s head with his cloak, as opposed to placing it around his shoulders. For some reason, it feels like Jinghua is making a tiny safe space for Xi in the middle of all the craziness. Am I the only one who feels this way? -- source link
#ling qi#spiritpact