The most painful part of moving + meeting Adrian’s extended family has been the questions about my f
The most painful part of moving + meeting Adrian’s extended family has been the questions about my family. . . There is stigma around estrangement that (for me) doesn’t make it worth while to tell the truth. . . I’ve been asked all sorts of questions about where my family is from. Most of my family lives in Ontario, not terribly far from Montreal. People say things like, “Your mum must be happy!” and “so this move is kind of like going home for you?” and “It must have been hard to leave your sister.” . . For better or for worse, I swallow the pain of it and give evasive responses like, “I guess so,” with a shrug. “Kind of, Yeah…” or change the topic. . . How do I tell them that I don’t have a ‘home?’ How do I tell them that Ontario was so traumatizing for me that I’ll probably never live there again? How do I tell them that my sister hasn’t spoke to me since before Christmas and didn’t reach out to me before I left? How do I tell them that I’ve chosen not to speak to my mother for almost a year? . . I don’t. I can’t. People who I’ve just met? There’s really no reason to even begin to broach that topic. . . It hurts me. Adrian’s family is invested in their grand children. My mother told me to my face that she’s afraid of my son and doesn’t really feel comfortable being alone with him. Meeting his family has been like dipping into an alternate reality where families are imperfect but invested and not actively harming each other. . . I still don’t want their life, though, I want mine. . . The world is my home. Everywhere I go, I am at peace. Everywhere I roam, I am held and supported. Every place I live, I attract the right people to teach me, love me, accept me. . . I want to be seen, heard, loved… on my terms. I won’t settle for crumbs. The whole wide world is at my finger tips, and I have no need for settling. (at Davidson, Saskatchewan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1UJ6xnAPgl/?igshid=drnv1stzjuc1 -- source link