SPH & COMING OUT OF THE SMALL PENIS CLOSETIt is safe to say that most men who have a small penis
SPH & COMING OUT OF THE SMALL PENIS CLOSETIt is safe to say that most men who have a small penis have thought about whether or not to keep it secret or spill the beans. Coming out of the Small Dick Closet is a decision that each individual must make for himself. Quite honestly it is not safe for all gay men to come out of the closet. Similarly once you disclose that you have small penis that information has a tendency to become known. For some men, fantasizing about being outed becomes the stuff of a fetish. I find the topic of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) quite interesting. Certainly not all men with small penises have desire to be teased or humiliated, but there is a very real portion of the small penis population that seem to enjoy it. Based on conversations I have had with such men the SPH fetish seems to begin with the onset of adulthood. I have received a number of personal emails on this subject, from some men who are really turned on by this dynamic. This is a topic worthy of serious consideration for that group of men who enjoy teasing and outing. Despite my attempts to research this topic I have found very little in the way of research into the dynamics of this particular fetish.Why Do Men Enjoy SPH?While I have found no scientific studies about this phenomenon, my own inquiries have revealed than in every case, the men with this fetish had experienced fairly significant ridicule, humiliation, or other abuse connected to their smaller endowment during childhood or their teenage years.I have spoken with several men who have told me that their SPH fetish began for them in their teens, during gym class. They generally had experiences with boys in gym pointing and laughing. in some cases they were ridiculed by girls who had learned of their endowment from indiscrete peers. One man told me that a peer touched him, forced him to touch the other boy’s penis, made him masturbate, and called him queer. While this is a terrible testament to the cruelty of teenagers, the men I spoke with grew past it. However, in coping with these experiences of ridicule, they began associating small penises with humiliation, and eventually with sexual pleasure. Since many, many people enjoy humiliation or degradation play as part of BDSM, I can see how this would make sense.Most of us who live with a small penis spent some period in our lives diligently covering it up. Some men forgo participation in high school sports, remain chaste, refuse to change in public facilities, or otherwise work to keep their little secret just that, a secret. For those of us who have been outed–by family, girlfriends, boyfriends, team mates, school friends, etc. the consequences can be debilitating. Do Men Subject to SPH Get Their Feelings Hurt?Of the men I have spoken with, they all told me that it had hurt their feelings at first, but over the years they eventually they grew immune to it. One said he just realized he couldn’t help it, as he could his weight or his hair color, and decided not to worry about it but enjoy getting the SPH attention he craved. My Own Outing!When I was outed in my sophomore year at school by bullies on a sports team, by shoving me out of the locker room naked into a gym full of other students, the three bullies got suspension for three days, but I served the life sentence. Basically the beans got spilled and my secret became common knowledge. I became an instant pariah, an object of ridicule, and social outcaste. Former friends avoided me because they didn’t want to be associated with me and become ridiculed themselves. Even my brother had a tantrum telling me that he wished he weren’t my brother because people assumed he also possessed a smaller endowment. So the consequences of an actual, real life outing, can be ego shattering. I never really recovered my social standing in school as there was always some bully who used my personal characteristics to put me down to build himself up. Also i had not yet learned how to “shrug off” teasing, and by reacting to it only made matters worse for myself. That’s the way it works. Then Why Come Out Of The Small Penis Closet?Given the reality of the negative consequences, why is it so arousing for some small endowed guys, to imagine themselves outed. Part of my theory is that in these cases the smaller endowed man is actually exhibiting some control in the outing process, which he believes in inevitable. For others the teasing has been linked to sexual activity, a potent reinforcer, so the fetish has basically been classically conditioned into being. For others, the actuality of being outed, is actually less anxiety provoking than managing the secret.In the gay world, men do not come out of the gay closet to enlighten the world, they do it to feel better about themselves. At some point the gay man realizes that his own self esteem is taking more damage from his closeted status than from anything the world might actually send his way. No one has any right to know about the size of your penis except your lover, so outing yourself is truly a personal decision, not a political one. However, when the truth gets withheld because of a self perception that your penis is shameful or inadequate, then at that point you’re just damaging yourself. Hiding a truth always most damages the person hiding the truth.Men with a small penis on some level inherently realize that hiding the truth is not in their best interest and may begin to imaging how they would out themselves. Imaging these scenarios allows the individual to exert some control in a situation which feels out of control. So, why does even the mere possibility of it happening excite so many guys? This is another one of those no “one size fits all” answer. So, how is a guy “outed?”Well, the possibilities are really endless. Here are a few of the more common ways:A close girlfriend (or confidant):This is probably the most common scenario. Your wife tells her BFF that you have a small penis and requests that she doesn’t tell anyone else. The wife then tells her small endowed hubby/partner that her BFF knows, and it’s almost like the erotic gift that keeps on giving because from that point forward every time the hubby/partner sees the BFF it provides him with an ongoing source of both excitement and/or angst.Multiple Girlfriends:One man I have spoken with told me that he dreamed about being outed by his girlfriend to a group of her friends. He knew it was just a dream, but it left him feeling very uncomfortable. And no wonder he woke up uncomfortable, because now, his whole social circle of female friends knows about his secret. While he might be excited about this happening, and it might provide him an ongoing source of masturbation fodder, the ramifications of such a disclosure would no doubt be far reaching.A Stranger:One friend tells me about his girlfriend taking the initiative at a small town drug store to buy condoms, and at the counter asked the pharmacist, ion the presence of other patrons standing nearby “Do you have any small-sized condoms for my boyfriend?” He told me that he be felt himself blush with embarrassment as everyone turned to look at him and literally gulped. In this case he was outed by his girlfriend to a stranger in hi small town, where he knew that rumor would get retold. He heard all of it with his own ears and even saw the expression (probably a smile) on the female clerk’s face. What are the risks of being Outed? Many guys who expressed they desire to be outed also made it very clear they would want it done in a “controlled” way. But given human nature there is nothing controlled about the process. The only way to keep a secret it to keep it to yourself. Like sending a nude photo of yourself to a friend, you lose all control over it the moment you hit “send”. You are at the mercy of that friends discretion. And for the most part, humans are not very discrete.People like to talk about “scandalous” news. People do this for many reasons. When your male friends make fun of your small penis, they are simultaneously casting themselves as “normal” or “endowed” men into a superior caste. Bullying has always been around, and I suspect it always will.There are some very real consequences. Social ostracism, especially if you are in high school, been “perceived” differently by friends in the know, being teased, being ridiculed, sexual discrimination, or just being treated “differently” than how you were treated before. All of that can happen.What are the Benefits? When gay people began to come out and become recognized as “contributing citizens” and “role models” things began to change. However things do change slowly. Most men believe that any penis under 6 inches is “small”, when in fact recent studies have concluded that 5.17 inches in length and 4.6 inches in girth are true “average”. Statistically is you are average 90% of guys will be between 1.15" shorter or 1.11" longer than you. For years many men have believed that their 5 1/2inch penis was substandard, when in fact they were well within the biological norm. As men with small dicks stand up to be counted social norms will begin to change, but again social evolution is a slow process.So What Can You Do?Be true to yourself. Learn to channel your strengths and minimize your focus on your weaknesses. As much as our popular culture will foist the notion that you are no better than your penis, it just isn’t true. But now you have to convince other people of that. The only way to do that is when you believe it yourself. When you become self confident everything changes. People stop teasing you and start respecting you. Confidence, more than any other quality, determines the likelihood of success. Women identify “confidence” as a key attribute in attractiveness. So What If You Enjoy SPH?Be true to yourself. It is normal to have a fetish. Assuming it is not harmful, indulge in your fetish. And while a fetish isn’t harmful, if gets out of hand, it can be trouble. It can drive you and your sex life. Soon, it may also drive away the people close to you. You don’t have to deal with a fetish all your life. Here are a few signs that a small penis fetish is out of control: It’s all you ever think about. It makes you lose your concentration, and you start performing poorly at work or school because of it. It comes up at random moments. Even when you’re not thinking about anything arousing, it comes to your mind. It’s ruining your relationship or preventing you from being in a relationship.You’re starting to drive your romantic partner crazy because of it, leading to arguments, misunderstandings and awkwardness during sex. Some steps you can take to address a fetish are:Confide in someoneSeek professional help which may include psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy, hypnosis, or Stop engaging in the habit (easier said that done, ask anyone in NA,OA or AA). -- source link