BDSM play in the bedroom is all well and good, but for those who are born a Dom or sub, it is a life

BDSM play in the bedroom is all well and good, but for those who are born a Dom or sub, it is a life that can be either intensely rewarding, or potentially permanently damaging.This post will be Part 1 of a series covering the journey from discovering BDSM to living the life 24/7, based solely on my personal experience.I don’t claim to be an expert by any means, but I do believe that second hand experience is valuable, no matter where it comes from. D/s is not something you just fall into. For many it is a lifelong pursuit. In a world so hidden away from the majority, it is a difficult thing to break into. As accepting and tolerant as we are as a community, the level of taboo our lifestyle has been placed into by the majority makes it increasingly difficult to adopt. But that doesn’t mean it should not be pursued. I liken D/s to that of being of a different race, sexual orientation, or gender identity. It is not a choice. If you are born a Dom or a sub (not everyone is), that’s who you are. Ultimately you’re going to have to face this and either accept it or deny it. Hopefully the former. But once you have accepted who you are, what next? Just as in many other walks of life, the first step is to find like-minded people. Some are lucky enough to live in a city with an established BDSM scene, but in the case of my kitten and I (and many others), Tumblr is one of the only places we can truly express ourselves. It is platform for expression and community, and a place where some have even found their soulmates. This is an important first step, as it allows you to explore your identity in a safe, accepting environment. Once you have found a place in the community and learned a thing or two about the lifestyle, the obvious next step is to find a partner to share your lifestyle with. Though this does not necessarily mean a romantic partner, for many it does, and is likely the hardest part. I’ve written briefly before about finding a partner in the D/s community, and I don’t pretend to be an expert by any means, but this is something that should be handled with care. The nature of D/s relationships lend themselves well to bad experiences when taken lightly. There is a fairly large danger of abuse, and even larger danger of intense emotional pain. Be especially careful and discriminant when pursuing a partner. Relationships in D/s are inherently more intense than vanilla relationships. They take more care and more investment to maintain, and some people may not be able to handle it. Take things slowly at first. Don’t think that it’s “not D/s” if you don’t take everything to the extreme. That is, in many ways, the nature of BDSM, but that does not mean that trying to “do it all” on the first day is a good idea. Once you’ve found a partner, work your way into it. Finding your limits is both rewarding and potentially dangerous. And I don’t necessarily mean in terms of sexual acts. Limits can even be those of personal emotional boundaries. Keep in mind that at it’s core, D/s is not about sex. It is about the power exchange. The submissive gives up her will for the benefit of being loved and cared for by the Dominant. It is a huge responsibility for both sides. The Dominant takes on the full care and upkeep of his submissive, while the submissive takes on the service of her Dominant. This can be taken slowly. Communication quickly becomes absolutely essential at this stage. Talk to your partner and keep tabs on how you each are feeling. Take every act in stride. Do not expect the submissive to completely give in to every command from day one, and don’t expect the Dom to control every aspect of the submissive’s life, either. This relationship, just like any other, will be a learning experience for the both of you. Find what works. Some submissives want their every step dictated by their Dominant. Some are only comfortable with certain things. Despite my completely ownership of my kitten, I would never expect to dictate how she chooses to raise her children, for example. And then of course, there’s the bedroom….which is a post for another time. -- source link

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