Trigger warning, Trigger warning, Trigger warning.. My suicidal ideation is back. It started last we

Trigger warning, Trigger warning, Trigger warning.. My suicidal ideation is back. It started last week after I accidentally took a Buspar that I thought that was Klonopin, which is probably just coincidental and it’s more like the fact that I was so anxious that I had to  take a benzo that is causing the distress. I’m constantly feeling triggered when I talk to the man I’m seeing which is causing me to act weird which is causing him to feel weird. I don’t feel good enough for him. I don’t feel stable enough or sane enough to deserve to be in a relationship. Why is it always fine until the day I decide yes I like this person, this is good and safe and I can be myself and this person won’t judge me. Is that too much to expect of another person? Am I asking too much? Or am I asking the wrong people? After the last one I said “I’m not doing this again” and now I’m doing it again and really, this has to stop. I can’t depend on another person to make me better. No one is going to save me. I am enough. I am good enough. I don’t need validation. I can make myself feel better. I can take care of myself. I do not need to think that either someone loves me and takes care of me or else I will die. (How’s that for black and white thinking? Gold medal for sure.) -- source link

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